Football Draft Summary 2007
Fred Smoot has returned to the District, and the smell of freshly-christened double-dildos fills the air about the mighty Anacostia River, as it so often does in August. But as we all know, not even the vague odor of pad thai is sweeter than the unmistakable aroma of fantasy football.
Our first off-season of keepers was relatively uneventful. Unlike the keepers submitted in other sports (by certain managers who will remain nameless, in spite of their hirsute appearances and predispositions towards erratic urination in fruits and vegetables) there were no WTF-level head-scratchers to be seen here... each subpar keeper on the list is the result of quota issues, not poor decision-making. There are exactly three exceptions to that statement out of 40, and they're largely a matter of personal opinion as opposed to universal bonerdom:
KEEPER MISTAKES
1. Cadillac Williams: I'd have kept Donovan McBaldfro. Look at the RB depth that was available... Cadillac would definitely have made it to the turnaround for Chas to grab again, if he wanted him so badly.
2. Andre Johnson: Again, would've made it to Rusch's pick because of the superior WRs who got dropped. Bulger, as you see, did not. Should've kept Bulger.
3. Jamal Lewis: Honestly, I have no alternative to present. Fred Taylor, maybe. But I can't let this slide. If he looked like shit behind Jonathan Ogden, what'll he look like now? That said, I'm proud that Charles didn't keep Cooley, which I was totally expecting based on his baseball keepers.
I thought we had an extremely competent draft from top to bottom. There were very few truly odorous picks, and very few late-slipping prizes on the scale of a Frank Gore or (ahem) Drew Brees. I was skeptical of the timing of the TE run, but at least it came in the 7th and not the 5th or 6th... maybe that's a function of the first four rounds being keepers. Anyway, very nice job done by all.
Except for the following!!!
STEALS OF THE
1. Brandon Jacobs: Seriously, guys, come on. He's controversial, but he was the only potential home-run RB on the board besides Peterson. I had him as the #1 RB available, and he went fourth. He's a starting back with major TD potential. How do you pass over him to take the likes of Edge and Thomas Jones??? This isn't as disastrous as I thought it was during the draft (I've since calmed down a bit on Edge's grim prospects) but I still think Andrew and Lehr each screwed up by passing on him. But they did manage to single-handedly bail out Dan's RB depth problems. With aplomb.
2. Vince Young: My plan if the Manning trade didn't happen was to take VY in the 6th. His drop to the bottom of the 8th round was awful. "Warren Sapp on draft day" awful. Rusch on draft night: "jackpot!"
3. Kevin Jones: He's recovering much faster from his injury than anyone expected; based on having avoided a six-week PUP sentence, he could be contributing in a matter of weeks. I'm absolutely filleting myself for drafting Vernand Morency and the Honkie-Honkie Twins instead of taking a flyer on Jones.
4. Marshawn Lynch: The more I think about this, the more surprised I am that he lasted this long. He's in an itty-bitty carry committee right now, but unlike Adrian Peterson he has no real competition for the featured job should he perform well. Smart move by Mr. Lehr.
5. Donovan McNabb: Gets fewer points on the steal scale because he's gonna get hurt again. Still, before he does get hurt... wow. (Chas, looking at you here...)
6. Ahman Green: Hate all you want, but he's a clear starter, and posted solid numbers last year (on a shitty team) while you bastards weren't paying attention. You guys are gonna hate your way into last place with this attitude. For SHAME.
7. Lamont Jordan: Something tells me that his inability to produce last season had something to do with their offense being run by a senile old B&B proprietor. Something tells me his slow creep back to mediocrity begins now. And with a 13th round pick? Wow.
I've chosen to bump up the multimedia aspect this time around, providing a horn-o-plenty bursting forth with cornucopiae, which in turn are stuffed to the gills with excitement.
I've given each team a limerick. Now, I know what you're thinking: any limerick starting with "There once was a Broncos supporter / Who gives hand jobs out back for a quarter" probably isn't worth finishing. But that's just a closed-minded way of looking at it. I've gone where no man has gone before, in the name of cheap laughs. I freely encourage you to add your own in the comments section. Suggested places for your "there once was a man" to come from: Stuttgart, Reykjavik, and the famous Scottish city of Claesterbaete.
I also assigned each of you a YouTube video that is at least tangentially related to you or your team. Perhaps it's a specious connection... perhaps it's an obvious one... perhaps I just like the video. Either way, it's yours, so bathe in it. Then freeze it in the winter and skate on it. Then melt it in the springtime and drink it.
In the name of putting a stop to this nonsense, here we go, in draft order...
CHARLES
Official Nickname: Virgin And Juice
Unofficial Nickname: Anthony Bourdong
Official Team Limerick:
"I will trade you," said Charles, "Ocho Cinco
For Taylor, straight up. Whatchu thinko?"
Kelvin laughed till he peed
In his pants, then agreed
To the trade, which quite frankly was stinko.
Official Team Youtube Video: Charles gets this for two reasons:
1) It's the Orioles
2) It's important for a chef to know where tomatoes come from
KEEPER LIST
Santana Moss, Chicago DEF, Matt Leinart, Jamal Lewis
Charles did the best he could, given that he traded away Chad Johnson. Good to hold onto Chicago D, the only dominant contributor of the four. I have minor quibbles with keeping Lewis, but it's not like Fred Taylor and his groin are any better a choice.
KEEPER GRADE: C-, but a solid B when curved for what he had to work with
DRAFT
On the one hand, I like what he did. Peterson was a reach for the absolute ceiling. Branch and Edwards are both smart bets to improve upon their 2006 numbers significantly. Vinatieri... Romo... getting Witten very late... all nicely done.
On the other hand, it's not a "blew me away" draft either. He didn't clean up after others' mistakes as much as he could have. And there weren't any "yikes" moments, where someone else's obvious mistakes got cleaned up... but maybe that's a function of the 10 of us collectively having our shit together more than ever. Anyway, nicely done on the whole.
DRAFT GRADE: B-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
The RB situation still isn't all that good, and his other areas likely won't be good enough to make up for it. But I see a lot of potential here. This starting lineup isn't all that bad; it's actually kinda nice. But it's still dependent on best-case scenarios from each of his RBs... one of whom is in Cleveland, another of whom isn't the starter, and another (Jackson) who's done jack shit all preseason. He's gotta pray that Adrian Peterson busts out.
OVERALL GRADE: C+
KELVIN
Official Nickname: Team Kelvin
Unofficial Nickname: Pounding Vagggggggggg
Official Team Limerick:
Like Han being shot at by Greedo
His Daunte trade wasn't that neato
Shaun and Willis be back
And his wideouts be stacked
But he'd trade them for Cooley's wet Speedo
Official Team Youtube Video: If you don't know why I picked this clip, you (and your notebook) obviously didn't sit next to Kelvin in physics class.
Amazingly, one of the visuals involves a bar graph, which I swear to God Kelvin drew in my notes. It was called the Kelvin Penis Index. Unsurprisingly, I didn't rate that highly. I know I have the KPI drawing somewhere, deep in my nostalgia files...
(UPDATE: THOSE FUCKERS. "Violated terms of service"? I'll violate your ASS of service. How dare they yank the man-dick clip? What a pile of vagina shit. That's what I get for taking a week's vacation instead of working 60 hours a day on the draft summary... now I don't get to embed it. I have to make you go here. I could bitch-slap them so fucking hard. Stupid son of a bitch bastards.)
KEEPER LIST
Shaun Alexander, Willis McGahee, Reggie Wayne, Ochenta Y. Cinco
Nice list. Two keepable RBs, two superior WRs. Pretty much what you'd want to do, all things being equal. The RBs aren't so good going forward, but the more I look at it, the more I set aside negative attitudes about Alexander in particular... and the more workable this lineup looks. Alexander will be better than he was, as will McGahee.
KEEPER GRADE: B+
DRAFT
Better job than last year. Generally strong work up top with Bulger, who was underrated (by Frank Rusch). The RB-hording approach is wise, considering his RB keeper situation. I love the Welker pick. And the Jordan pick, upon reflection, is awfully good as well; getting an actual starter that late is always good.
I do have minor bones to pick:
* Both Winslow and Jackson were reaches. I liked them both a lot, but not with a 6th and 7th. However, one does have to reach for guys when one is close to the turnaround, so that's not a big deal.
* Michael Turner's chances at fantasy relevance are dependent exclusively on a freak injury, as opposed to a predictable one (DeShaun Foster, Warrick Dunn, Clinton Portis). He's obviously the most talented backup in football, but that doesn't translate into points b/c he has no way to produce. There's smarter bets to make if you're just spearfishing for TD sharks. Case in point: I liked the LenDale White pick, but then he got cut b/c of the committee thing. Fair, but why keep Turner while ditching a guy who's gonna actually play? That's the basic thrust of my objection.
* Not drafting a defense at all? That's a bitch move. I don't care how smart it is, it's a bitch move and that's all there is to say about it. That decision was brought to you by the letters V, A, G, I, N, and A.
DRAFT GRADE: A- for talent, F for being a bitch
OVERALL OUTLOOK
Bulger, a healthy Alexander, scary WR corps, rejuvenated McGahee... that's a solid, solid group. But the purpose of this season should be to sell high on his current guys in order to accumulate RB talent for the future. Gotta find an heir for Alexander. As they are, though, I'd expect a lot more consistency this season from Team Period, and probably a lower-level playoff spot.
OVERALL GRADE: B+
FRANK
Official Nickname: the superb owl
Unofficial Nickname: Addai In The Life
Official Team Limerick:
Addai, Ronnie Brown and Jones-Drew
Are attached to this team with a screw
Should he make some damn trades?
Shave his taint with dull blades?
Jeebus, what is poor Frank Rusch to do?
Official Team Youtube Video: He's sitting there with THE SAME THREE RUNNING BACKS... when will he just pick two of them and move along??? It just never ends! It kinda reminds me of... well...
KEEPER LIST
Ronnie Brown, Maurice Jones-Drew, Joseph Addai, Andre Johnson
I'm impressed that he had the balls to drop Bulger. I figured Andre Johnson would have been the one to go. In retrospect, it looks as if he should have dropped A-Train, since he would have made it past Kelvin and Charles untouched (unlike Bulger). But he kept his best four, so there's nothing really to criticize there. Apart from, well, delaying his decision on which RBs to keep for yet another season.
KEEPER GRADE: B+
DRAFT
From a talent perspective, he got a pretty nice haul. But it was up and down. Housh was a no-brainer. Heap and Clayton were too early. VY in the 8th was a steal. Holmes is interesting, but again kinda early. Foster, Eli and Bruce from 10-12 are good values. (Bruce looks cooked, but at 12 you're sifting through turd nuggets anyway.) Taking bother Denver and Elam will be a mistake come the bye week.
Coulda been better, but if Ifs and Buts were candy and nuts, Frank would have a mouth full of nuts and sugar. (You sort that one out. I'm not digging any deeper into THAT mineshaft.)
DRAFT GRADE: B
OVERALL OUTLOOK
He's all set at RB, has a nice set of WRs, a solid TE, two playable QBs... a nice solid roster.
OVERALL GRADE: B
JESSE
Official Nickname: TTBNL
Unofficial Nickname: Free Construda For Fitty
Official Team Limerick:
A man by the name of Jablome
Offered Fitty for Laurence Maroney
He acquired construda,
Ate a rich, pungent gouda,
Then sucked off a cute Shetland pony.
Official Team Youtube Video: This has nothing to do with Jesse. But can anyone tell me what Simms did that's so goddamn special?
Looks like him doing the job on the practice field that he wishes he could do on the playing field. It's not Marques Colston's job to blindly catch a football behind his back. It's not Jason Campbell's job to throw two deep balls INTO EACH OTHER and complete both passes. But they're fucking insane commercials, and they make them look REALLY COOL. Hell, even Neil Rackers looked pretty cool in his. Simms shouldn't have even bothered. "Pick me! Pick me!" Aaah, eat shit.
Although, to Simms' credit, there's no way anyone would be like "awwww, that was all CGIed" with this one. Then again, it goes w/o saying that nobody drafted him. Can't argue with results.
KEEPER LIST
Laurence Maroney, Cedric Benson, Deuce McAllister, Carson Palmer
Gaining Maroney helped his RB situation quite a bit. It does leave him exposed at WR, but the urgency at RB takes precedence. Still no first-round talent, however. Not quite. A little below-average as a group, compared to others' keeper lists, but not bad.
Also, I'm glad he refrained from dropping a Deuce.
(Yes, I know, wocka x 3, try the veal, tip your waitress, 10:00 show totally different from 8:00 show, etc.)
KEEPER GRADE: B-
DRAFT
This is a mixed bag for me.
I'm not super-thrilled with how his WR situation shook out. There's an unavoidable quantity-over-quality thing caused by the Maroney trade... other than Crotchery, I'm not a fan. I'm highly skeptical of Reggie Brown's abilities. Plaxico is notoriously unpredictable, and is at the mercy of Eli Manning. Hackett and Jennings are unproven shot-in-the-dark guys, though far from bad picks. None of those guys have HUGE ceilings... their best-case is solid. And their average-case is grim.
I suppose it would've been tough to do any better, given the situation. Personally, I would've grabbed Deion Branch or Laveranues Coles instead of Brown. Even reaching for Braylon Edwards would've represented a potential keeper WR in development. But that's just, you know, my opinion, man. Regardless of how it happened, he's got the weakest WR corps in the league, and should keep a constant eye out for flavor-of-the-month WRs early on.
At other positions, getting Tony Gonzalez and the fork sticking out of his back with a single pick was impressive. And keeping three RBs meant he didn't need to do much besides grabbing Fred Taylor at a value spot (the 9th, very nice).
DRAFT GRADE: B-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
The roster is pretty middling. Competitive enough, but I don't see a high ceiling on any of these guys besides Palmer and maybe Maroney. If the RBs churn out 10-12 TDs apiece, as they're capable of doing, and one of his WR blossoms into a legit #1 fantasy guy, then he'll be fine.
OVERALL GRADE: C+
ANDREW
Official Nickname: The Ugli Tangelos
Unofficial Nickname: Edge of the Cutlery
Official Team Limerick:
The Broncs are now led by Jay Cutler
Whose few talents cannot be subtler
He runs like molasses
They pick off his passes
And he'll soon be John Elway's butler
Official Team Youtube Video:
This is for Andrew because he always gets mercilessly abused no matter what he does in the live drafts. And yet he turned out OK last time, and is pretty much all set from a keeper standpoint. Next time, he should just turn around and say "Happy Mother's Day, motherfuckers."
KEEPER LIST
Reggie Bush, Brian Westbrook, Steve Smith, Javon Walker
Bush and Westbrook are both outstanding PPR backs. No argument from me on either of them, even if Bush merely repeats his 2006, which I don't expect. Walker and Smith were too good not to keep. He's basically got Kelvin's setup, but with running backs he's not ashamed of.
KEEPER GRADE: A
DRAFT
Here's where things fell apart.
I'll start with the good news. McNabb in the 6th is going to make everyone look stupid. That's it.
I've since backed off my initial declaration that Edge is finished and his selection was laughable, since it's easy to believe that Arizona's line could improve from last year. But he's of limited use between the 20's to start with, and now Marcel Shipp is apparently getting all the goal line carries. Edge will have to score from 10+ each time, and that's clearly not his strong suit anymore. With both Brandon Jacobs and Thomas Jones available, Edgerrin James was not the guy to take.
Then there's the early selections of Cooley, San Diego D and Kaeding... the neglect of the WR3 position until Demetrius Williams... taking Cutler... could've been way better. Maybe Cutler becomes a keepable guy, but Andrew skipped over a valuable WR3 (Jerricock Crotchery) to take him. The Bronco factor, and the anti-Lehr factor, are worth acknolwedging, but I can't throw my support behind that pick.
However, I'm reminded of the beating Andrew took after last year's debacle. In that case, it turns out that it wasn't a matter of drafting bad players, it was the timing. Things worked out pretty nicely for ol' Andrew. This time, though, he made two value selections (McNabb and Muhammad) and the rest are just head-scratchers. I don't get it. Then again, maybe I'm not supposed to get it.
DRAFT GRADE: C-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
With keepers like that, Andrew's set for a while. The looming injury threat above guys like Westbrook, Smith and McNabb are the only possible blemishes on his core. But he's gotta do something about that bench, because it's in rough, rough shape.
OVERALL GRADE: B
ALEX
Official Nickname: Alex's Rape Stand
Unofficial Nickname: Like Watermelon For Chocolate
Official Team Limerick:
Who knows what a mind like Lehr's sees
With the temps at 100 degrees?
His thoughts must be scattered
If he likes pu-pu platters
Of Colston, Antonio, and Brees.
Official Team Youtube Video: One would think this video would be more appropriate for Andrew, given that he's donned the Ronaldinho Chia Pet hair in the past, and even fathered a chicken who bears his likeness.
But no, I'm giving it to Lehr because of the way I was manhandled during the Peyton Manning trade talks. Lehr is Ronaldinho, Peyton Manning is the shoes, I'm the ball, and Brees/Colston/Gates are the goal bars.
KEEPER LIST
Willie Parker, Drew Brees, Marques Colston, Antonio Gates
Lehr's trade of Peyton Manning for the pu-pu platter has totally transformed his roster. Sure, you have to ask yourself whether you really want to trade a 1st round pick for a crop of 3rd/4th rounders. But he now fields a pretty decent team apart from his RBs. RB is a source of concern, but I think we can all agree that he's better off with these four than he would have been with Manning, but also with Plaxico Burress and Marion Barber MCMLXXIX. Basically, if Brees' downgrade is only minor, this trade is a friggin steal.
Then again, if Brees shits the bed... thus affecting Colston's numbers... you're gonna have to wonder. But for now, I think Lehr played the keeper game pretty masterfully.
KEEPER GRADE: B+ (but also the Most Improved Keepers award winner)
DRAFT
These words have never been written: I like Lehr's team a lot. I don't know what to do with myself here. (Maybe it has something to do with him actually having MY team. I'll be calling up Colston and Gates from Lehr's team to the big club around week 5.)
Not blown away by his RB depth... still his weakness. But I think he got good value between the Joneses and Lynch. I personally thought Brandon Jacobs should've been the guy instead of Thomas Jones, but that's something that many folks appear to have disagreed on.
The WR depth is nice. Good stable of starters; I especially liked the Coles pick at 7. I'm also impressed enough by the balls of the Ginn, Jr. pick (as compared to the birdshit WRs available towards the end of the draft) that I can't argue with it.
DRAFT GRADE: A-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
Lehr needs to work his Willie Parker magic and pull another superstar out of his ass. Lynch could do it; the other two RBs are unlikely to. And I think the Saints are probably due to slide back a bit. However, Lehr had an easy job on draft night, and did well with it.
OVERALL GRADE: A-
KABIR
Official Nickname: Chas = Grundlemonkey
Unofficial Nickname: A Brown Delicious To The Face
Official Team Limerick:
The man who just barely grows beards
Did exactly what everyone feared
Piled up on receivers
So check your girls' beavers
Where Kabir's Dirty Sanchez is smeared
Official Team Youtube Video: Kabir was so deep with talent last season that he was forced to drop some very talented players. He tried to unload them to improve his team, but unfortunately was left with no choice by the end. Seems that he had too many mutha_uckas, _uckin with his shi_...
KEEPER LIST
Rudi Johnson, Steven Jackson, Larry Fitzgerald, Tom Brady
Kabir did well to get some on-field value for his RB glut. He could have done better than Fitzgerald, talentwise, but the owners of every WR as good or better than Fitz had no need for Maroney, and definitely no need for either of Kabir's depth WRs. Then again, it'd have been nice for him to get something for Roy Williams and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Still, with RBs like that, he's set up nicely.
KEEPER GRADE: A
DRAFT
Wow. Roy Williams and Lee Evans to go with Fitty. Yipes. And the Jackson/Johnson combo. And Brady.
The one place I'd expect Kabir to falter is his bench. Chambers is a decent starting WR (QB troubles notwithstanding) so getting him strictly as a backup is a coup. However, the dropoff from Rudi Johnson to Marion Barber III is awfully steep. Not one RB on his bench is a starter. That's not good. And no insurance against Vernon Davis busting? VD is shaky enough that I'd have my eyes peeled for TEs who make an early splash.
Then again, Betts and Stallworth aren't exactly poor value for those slots. So maybe it's a bit harsh. I do like what he did in those later rounds on the whole, it's just that he went very heavy into the WR area w/o covering his ass at RB.
DRAFT GRADE: A-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
Kabir has the deepest starting lineup in the league. His weaknesses are Vernon Davis, who is more of a gamble than a weak point, and Minnesota D, who play in a great division for turnovers and such. Barring injuries, I'd expect Kabir to be extremely difficult to beat.
OVERALL GRADE: A
DAN
Official Nickname: Ne Hua Printing Co.
Unofficial Nickname: Inner City Pressure (nnnr ctty prssrrrrr)
Official Team Limerick:
There was a young boy named Novillo
Who left his first tooth 'neath his pillow
The Fairy left cash
But 'twas robbed by that trash
Larry Johnson, whose ego would billow
(Dan, my sincerest apologies for dredging up your painful childhood memories in such stinging detail)
Official Team Youtube Video: Dan gets two, because I wanted to post the first, but felt like it was far too cruel. So I chose to neutralize the karma a little. This is also based on the foggy and possibly false memory that Dan is a Bills fan.
And now for redemption. Do note that the pro-Dan video is about 16 times longer than the anti-Dan video.
(Fun fact: I've never watched that entire 10th-inning sequence live. Not once, not even after 2004. Can't stomach it. But while watching the RBI version, I found myself thinking, "gosh, all they need to do is get this one strike..." That's right, kids, I get into it so much that I think the Red Sox STILL have a chance to win the worst and most damaging game of my lifetime. Sick, delusional, or both? You be the judge.)
KEEPER LIST
Larry Johnson, Terrell Owens, Anquan Boldin, Philip Rivers
Dan didn't have a lot of choices here. Boldin, TO and LJ were obvious, and there wasn't much left for that 4th spot. However, given that, Rivers was the a better choice than, say, Julius Jones. Even having escaped the Parcells doghouse, Julius is not to be kept.
KEEPER GRADE: B+
DRAFT
I'm still floored that Brandon Jacobs slipped to Dan. You all did him as big a favor as I did Lehr. Nice work. Give yo'selves a round of applause.
He took two different RBs right before I'd have taken them myself (Ahman Green and DeAngelo Williams), so by the "pissing me off" criterion Dan did wonderfully.
Driver will be a great #3 WR. Lots of receptions, fairly stable at this point.
And grabbing Hasselbeck in the 9th was nice work.
On the other hand, L.J. in the 8th is a reach for someone who's never posted above-average fantasy totals; the difference between him and Ben Watson (12th) is razor-thin. Not that this is a huge problem, but L.J. would have dropped.
Also, I truly despise Devery Henderson, after he single-handedly blew the Masturbatriots' season last year by dropping multiple 40-yard passes. Don't pass it to this guy, he SUCKS.
Nice job though. Bonus points for waiting until the last rounds to take a kicker and defense.
DRAFT GRADE: A-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
I like what Dan did here. Solid, balanced, fairly deep (especially at RB).
OVERALL GRADE: A-
JEFF
Official Nickname: Construda Wakening
Unofficial Nickname: I Ruined Your Fun
Official Team Limerick:
My great Masturbatriots run
Was ruined by D. Henderson
That son of a bitch
Dropped three deep balls in a row
That's it, I'm straight-up bricking on his stupid face, I HATE YOU CHAS
Official Team Youtube Video: I felt like my acquisition of Manning, the stuffing of Lehr's stocking, and the resultant blood-letting from the draft pool should be met with some kind of disdain. So here's a 30-second shot of pure disdain.
KEEPER LIST
LaDainian Tomlinson, Frank Gore, Peyton Manning, Torry Holt
I don't see how anyone could argue with any aspect of this group. Holt's knee notwithstanding, there's nothing wrong in any way with this list. Sorry.
KEEPER GRADE: A+
DRAFT
I'm fairly happy with my work here. Solid, unspectacular picks. I didn't get any steals, exactly, but I do think I made the most to grab players who were somewhat underrated.
I like Moss at 49. I didn't think he'd make it down to me, and the late 5th is a good place to gamble on him... he and Calvin Johnson were the only home runs remaining on the board, and I wasn't about to take a rookie WR. Moss may not post fantasy #1 numbers this year, but he's a solid #2.
Baltimore D wouldn't have lasted much longer, and the 7th round is about right for them. That was the only marquee fantasy talent left on the board, and I got it. So I was happy about that.
I'm a little surprised that Shockey dropped past the likes of Chris Cooley, Vernon Davis and Alge Crumpler. I may hate him, but Shockey in the 8th = value.
Taylor, Horn and Dunn aren't impact players, but I got them cheap, and they're better pickups than the dregs that surrounded them.
Morency, Jones and Curtis are turds. Hopefully they'll work out, but I'm not holding out much hope.
Akers at the end of the draft was a steal. (Yes, I take it back, I did get one steal.) Mostly I'm glad to have punted the K position without having to sacrifice talent at the position... thanks to Akers' injury-depleted 2006 numbers. Hooray for MEEEE!
In the final analysis, trading the Lynch pick to Lehr did a lot of damage to my board. I'm stuck with a Joe Horn sandwich on white as my WR3 corps. There wasn't a whole lot I could have done, but I didn't pull any rabbits out of any hats either. And the guys I did take haven't got much potential, despite the gambles they each represent. It's a mixed bag. Or a mixed grill. Mmmm.
DRAFT GRADE: B-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
The starting crew is pretty friggin strong. Can't deny that. LT, Gore, Manning and BAL D have enough weekly 20-point potential to hold me above mediocrity all by themselves, with Holt and Moss capable of big days as well.
However, the nagging Holt injury could be tragic, given my lack of depth at WR. He hasn't fully recovered from offseason knee surgery... dun-dun-DUNNNNNNN. Nice of him to disclose this AFTER everyone drafted. Given that Moss isn't healthy either, I don't like how things are shaping up for the beginning of my season. A strong Moss/Holt outing despite their injuries would calm my raging sphincter, but for now I'm a little worried.
OVERALL GRADE: A-
CHAS
Official Nickname: Heywood Jabroni
Unofficial Nickname: What's "Tatum," Precious?
Official Team Limerick:
A hairy young baker named Natch
Dropped pubics in every batch
His chocolate croissant
Known from Cod to Vermont
Was quite tasty, but looked like a snatch
Official Team Youtube Video: It's a celebration, bitches...
KEEPER LIST
Clinton Portis, Travis Henry, Marvin Harrison, Cadillac "Carnell" Williams
Portis is coming off injuries. Travis "Whoops" Henry is a keeper strictly by virtue of his new employer. Harrison is old. Cadillac is a lemon. And Chas dropped McNabb. Portis may be poised for a healthy comeback, but with Betts poaching carries I'm not a fan. Pretty grim.
KEEPER GRADE: C
DRAFT
Ward and Johnson make his WR situation a little better than last season, with Johnson looking to be a possible heir to Harrison. Tatum wasn't a bad pick either, as wasn't Kevin Jones in the 14th... he's got them Martz RBs covered. Which is smart. Jones was one of the real bonehead slips of the draft. Wish I'd taken a chance on him myself.
But beyond that, I really don't like what Chas did. Hines Ward is 57 varieties of washed up. Crumpler has been proven mediocre in spite of his talent, though I suppose betting on the Petrino factor is understandable. The jury's still out on Roethlisberger's fantasy value and physical resilience. Galloway's an OK backup, but Jerry Porter blows goats.
I guess it wasn't that bad, but I get a real iffy vibe from this group that even Andrew's list doesn't give me.
DRAFT GRADE: C-
OVERALL OUTLOOK
This is a landmark roster for Chas, because I hate it. It'll blow once the season starts, and it blows right now. On paper, this roster is the cavalcade of hand-drawn veiny penises from the Superbad video. (Which were also on paper. See what I did there?)
Anwyay, in all seriousness, I wish you ILL, Chas Budnick. That's right, choke on that big golden Yahoo dick trophy from last year. In fact, why don't you make yourself at home, pull up a chair, and EAT THE WHOLE BAG.
OVERALL GRADE:
THE KISS OF DEATH: Kabir
He's head and shoulders above the rest of us. I can compete with him, but his bench is deeper. Dan and Lehr should be in the mix too, but their upper-echelon depth doesn't quite compare. Kelvin's strong enough to muscle his way in there, too.
Well, that about does it. Feel free to let me have it in the comments section. Except you, Chas Budnick. You go to hell and you die.
Labels: 2007, chas budnick is a bastard, fantasy, football, video
posted by Jeff at 12:05 PM
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4 comments
